Some November bits:
- I’ve introduced myself to quinoa. It is the start of an amazing love affair. I wish I’d tried it sooner! I particularly love it dry roasted. I’m still working on collecting some recipes, thankfully there’s Pinterest to keep it together somewhat!
- I’ve tweaked my risotto recipe, it was bloody perfect this weekend! 
- The past few days were too rainy and dreary, but I have been trying to go out for walks every day. I usually try and walk between 35-40 minutes, and to go for speed and stamina. The goal is to go running again starting December. I’m building it up. And I need new shoes first, haha.
- I’ve been taking some more photos, which I’ve posted here! I’m really trying here. I’ll be working on more new ideas soon now that I’ve gotten myself my studio umbrella. (Yup! Upgrading.)
- I revamped my boudoir client site (Dutch). I’m quite pleased with it as it is now! Simple, informative and elegant.
- Wil and I were together 5,5 years this past Sunday. We celebrated with good food & drink, and a movie: we went to see Skyfall (James Bond). Must say it is one of the best, if not the best, James Bond movies I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen them all. I’m also now, finally, convinced Daniel Craig is a great Bond. I liked Ben Whishaw as Q (great casting imo) and I approved of the subtle humor.
- I’m currently reading the second book (A Clash of Kings) in the A Song of Ice and Fire series by George R.R. Martin (you know, Game of Thrones). I hope to start reviewing this series soon. I think I’ll do The Perks of Being a Wallflower first though.
My mojo seems to be back. I can think of concepts, and visualize them in my mind, knowing what I want to do and how. I’m excited and I’m going with it, because I’ve missed this.. but at the same time I’m afraid that I’ll experience creative blockage soon after this. The feeling that you can’t think of anything. That you’ve got nothing to work with. That nothing rubs off on you, whether it’s a book or a good movie or a beautiful moment – nothing inspires you. There’s just that black, swirling vortex of nothing. I feel I just got spit out by it, landing on my feet, somewhat steadily. Let’s hope it doesn’t suck me back in.
I feel so happy with and proud of these new photos. A few days ago I wrote that I feel uncomfortable lately, being me. I feel that self-portraiture is “therapy” for me. I remember feeling so much personal growth when I did 365 days from November ’06 to November ’07. Not because I did one every day (I am NOT ever doing that again, I fail every second attempt at a complete 365 and have thus forever given up), but because I confronted myself with myself, and learned to convey what I felt. I’d like to use photography the way I used to: to have fun, to learn, to try, to express, to be, to grow.
As blue as I get from the colder weather, the end of summer, I am also reunited with the thing I love, so much, and had forgotten. The effect of low sunlight in my home. A recent demonstration:
The light inspired me to take a few new photos today, Grace and Choice:
I have to admit lately I don’t feel too comfortable in my own skin. Today’s photo shoot was a bit of a plunge, a confrontation. I think it will be good for me to keep exploring this and get it out of my system by just seeing myself clearly.
I’m often frustrated by my lack of ambition, my non-drive, and lack of self-confidence plays a major part in this. In a way I have some healing to do. I’m not a patient person when it comes to my own well-being. But this time I’m going to allow for a slow metamorphosis. One that I can get settled into, one that molds steadily, firmly, calmly, surely. In time.
Anyway. It’s Halloween. Time for some scary movies and what not
…that’s how I’m doing things for the moment. Of course I’m thinking ahead – I’m getting married and am thinking about starting a family. I’ll be someone’s wife next year… possibly someone’s mother some time after that. Of course I’m not fully “in the now”. That would be unrealistic.
I’m trying to go by “being me” one day at a time. There are ups and downs. I can be introspective one day, allowing myself to keep some things to myself. And I can open up at other times, to other people. Be more tolerant and understanding, more giving. And being okay with these different sides of me as I keep growing (up). I want to accept myself and get to know myself better. But as I accept who I am, I also want to know what else I’ve got. I don’t want to change; I want this person that I am today to be all that she can be.
I hope that by picking up my camera every day and trying every day, that I will be able to make sense of who I am right now, day by day. One day at a time. And to keep being creative and inspired.
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