Not yet two months, that’s not too bad. Somehow I got it in my head that I’d neglected this site for a lot longer. One of the reasons why I still haven’t really gotten this site off the ground is that my grandmother passed away last month. Her death in a way closed, book-ended, a very bad time in my life. It was the last bad thing that could happen, and it then did, and in a way it set me free. I will love her, always, and I miss her. But I’m also ready to move forward with living. My grandmother’s passing sort of brought me into a new reality.
I am ready for a life overhaul. That sounds serious, and to me it is. I am working very hard on myself at the moment. I’m re-framing thought processes. I’m teaching myself new coping strategies. I’m working through some issues. All this serves to clear up my head space and allow room for creativity and inspiration.
I’m also clearing my literal space, here at home. Re-organizing my house is a big part of what I’m doing now. I’m aiming for simplicity in my living space, with more structure. And the attic – that is my new haven.
The attic is where I’ve had my office space for the past few years. It was supposed to be a place of productivity, and I went about it all wrong. It is the least inspiring place to be, which isn’t good for a work place if you are in the creative branch. It’s all wires, computers, binders, printers, post-its… and part storage for the house. It’s become a joyless place and it has stagnated me. No wonder I was usually downstairs, where I keep my travel mementos, photographs and knick knacks that inspire me… Downstairs, where I never do any work because it’s where I live instead.
Part of developing yourself is to evaluate and make changes, so that’s what I’m doing. It helped that I started seeing myself differently around the time I started redoing this website. I don’t want to look at myself as a small business owner. That is something that I technically am, yes. But again, it sounds joyless. I want to fully embrace being an artist. I used to draw and paint all the time. I used to express myself so much better – and it’s not about end results. When did I make everything about end results? I miss the process. I miss making mistakes, the stains on my fingers from drawing, paint spatter on my clothes.
The attic will be my true studio space. It feels good to have a designation for that space that will work for me. A few things to do: work through storage items. Personalize my work desk so that it at least looks alive when I’m doing small business stuff. There will be one corner that will ooze quiet and peacefulness, and that is the seating area I will create when I can. The rest will be clutter upon clutter – on the condition that everything inspires me. If it doesn’t inspire me, it goes.
And downstairs will be the place where Wil and I can properly relax and entertain friends and family (without having everyone trip over clutter).
So no, I’m not online much at the moment. Offline, behind the scenes, things are set in motion that will help bring me back to where I want to be.